Identifying the paranoid personality in relationships. On the home front, use firm and direct communication to set clear limits for children or assertively deal with annoying relatives. Abrasive individuals can be very intelligent and analytical. "Usually they are unaware or just act differently than most people they associate with." But if someone's too honest to the point that it's unintentionally making another person feel bad, it's obviously not. Have you shut them down or are they conversing with you? In some cases the abrasive person might be a no-nonsense straight-shooter who is perceived as abrasive but is actually constructive in an overly passive work environment. Try not to be too direct with this type of personality. Personality, a characteristic way of thinking, feeling, and behaving.Personality embraces moods, attitudes, and opinions and is most clearly expressed in interactions with other people. The “Sensitive” takes any type of confrontation too personally. It just that your personality attracts people to you. We use words like Dominant, Direct, Demanding, Decisive, Determined and Doer to describe this personality style. In many cases, that's a fairly compelling personality trait. "Many times abrasive people can't see it in themselves because they get what they want and people will not typically call them out on their behavior," Lewis says. If you want to be inclusive, to foster innovation, and to have staff that are fully functional and independent, you may need to find a way to dial back on your bluntness while still being clear and honest in your communication. By being mastering the skills of direct persuasion. Know what words to avoid. 2. They may appear to have an attitude of “its my way or the high-way”. If someone feels like they're coming off as abrasive, Lewis says it's important for them to "be more self aware of their communication style." Very few people are purely one type. Since some people don't know their actions come off as abrasive, Dr. Lipson says it's common for them to deny or turn it around on the people who call them out. Years later one of the things I am most valued for is my ability to be direct. These people tend to be risk-takers and … In many cases, people want more information than they’re asking for, because they want a better idea of “the big picture”. She laughs when people make funny mistakes and she is often the first one to point out the bad side of a situation. Mary Jo, I read this and thought, well this doesn’t apply to me but I think that is the point. Political correctness, thin-skinned coworkers, and fear of litigation have made it difficult to be direct or candid with people without crossing some sort of line. Brett, thanks for underscoring the importance of good listening. They decide quickly – almost effortlessly. Maybe I should take a note from some of the more head strong employers and learn that at times it’s ok to be a little more direct. It includes behavioral characteristics, both inherent and acquired, that distinguish one person from another and that can be observed in people’s relations to the environment and to the social group. 2021 Bustle Digital Group. Put yourself in their shoes: A little bit of empathy can go a long way in avoiding being too blunt. The biggest difference I can see in my approach between now and then comes down to this – compassion and caring. I have included your post in my Rainmaker ‘Fab Five’ blog picks of the week (found here: http://www.maximizepossibility.com/employee_retention/2011/02/the-r.html) to share your suggestions for “dialing it back” with my readers. I am sometimes not direct enough. Style is sometimes geographicallyand/or culturally influenced. They're Very Direct And Sometimes Too Honest, They Have A Way Of Making People Feel Uncomfortable. Too direct is more direct than I am. Somewhat of a bombshell was dropped on me yesterday. … This description is of someone who is almost completely a D. See if it describes you or someone you know. People with a strong D personality style like to be in positions of authority, or where they can do things on their own terms. I ask things like “Why do we do it this way? However, recognizing that there is something that may need to be fixed is the first step in realizing how this behavior may be affecting others. So, for example, I might want to ascertain that the person I am talking to likes jazz and would say “you like jazz” with an almost completely flat tone. The People Pleaser tries to find their self-worth through constantly doing things for other people. This blog is for leaders and those who help them to be more intentional about relationships at work. I guess that might be a learned behavior from a society/culture that does not accept aggressive and direct communication from women. 1 … "One's upbringing and home is where a person learns behavior patterns if it hasn't changed in other social settings like school, work or a relationship.". Thanks for your comments. That conversation can unlock "insight about their deep interpersonal struggles," she says. Get your free e-book when you subscribe to our newsletter. Personality type is a huge predictor of both success and failure. Watch the tone. I’ve learned that there’s a look people get when they feel you’re running over them, and I’ve tried to keep my eyes open more for that. I tend to be one of those who talks fast and I focus on fact over form pretty much all of the time. Again, if that happens, it's important to listen and don't get defensive. I’m not sure where we get the tendency to answer the question before it’s asked (maybe from watching jeopardy) but it’s got to be one of the more frustrating things we do to people. If you have no interests, which a common problem for many people, then it's probable that you are trying to find what you are into but haven't really felt a click with anything yet. I think another thing we do that is detrimental is interpret what we “think” people are saying to us. Adjectives used to describe a person's character and personality traits. Learn to recognize the emotional triggers that may make your tone too insistent, harsh, rushed or abrupt. However, as I develop myself I have been told by others that the way I communicate via e-mail or even in person sometimes is “cold” or impersonal and I feel this has a lot to do with me just trying to get a job done rather than fully appreciating what the interaction may look like from the other person’s perspective. A free online esl lesson with clear example sentences using words like affectionate, sympathetic .. to aggressive, egotistical. It's not even about them changing or toning down their personality. The D Personality Style tends to be direct and decisive, sometimes described as dominant. Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), as defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), … "Abrasive is a relative term," life and wellness coach, Melissa Lewis, tells Bustle. If an issue is not raised directly, you assume it doesn’t exist. Fortunately I was also highly regarded so it was a learning opportunity rather than a career limiting move. That's because they have a ton of opinions and have no problem letting everyone know. Most people that you encounter think that you thrive on it but this is not the truth. I really enjoyed this post because I know I can be overly direct; which I contribute to being the oldest of 5 children, because I always felt the need to be efficient in my communication to be organized and get everything done. Highly aggressive, short tempered, inflexible and over conscious of time are some prominent traits of a type A personality and a person has to encounter such ill behavior while mingling with them. While therapy isn't entirely necessary, talking it over with a close friend or loved one can be useful. I have noticed changes in my own workplace with my employees from exercising those two over the past couple years. Thanks! So I think there is something for me to learn as well. We’re far too complicated to fit neatly into broad categories. Honest and Direct – Integrity is the heart of the Logistician personality type. Finally, it could also be that you're just being too harsh on yourself and that you do have a personality and interests, you're just not clear about that yet. "They are often very skilled in commanding an audience and show little patience with others," Dr. Lipson says. They tend to have high self-confidence, and are risk takers and problem solvers, which enables others to look to them for decisions and direction. And as Ray pointed out, make sure you are actively listening to our employees, not just giving them 50% of our attention and going on with assuming we know what they are thinking. According to Dr. Lipson, being too honest can come off as having "very little tact when it comes to other's feelings or experiences." A person with type A personality could easily be recognized because of the typical attributes they possess. If the abrasive personality can get other people to understand how they are as well as understand how others work, there shouldn't be too much problems. Also, just to reiterate, you don’t have to change your personality. I have owned and operated an executive coaching firm since 2003 called Aspire Collaborative Services LLC. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. As Lewis says, being abrasive doesn't necessarily mean that a person is "bad." Assertiveness is the ability to formulate and communicate one's own thoughts, opinions and wishes in a clear, direct and non-aggressive way. They would prefer to lead than follow, and tend towards leadership and management positions. I have seen better listening take care of the overly direct style almost single handedly. They communicate in a very direct manner, saying what they mean and meaning what they say. A lot of understanding and flexibility can come out of the kind of training you suggest. No one can fix an abrasive personality but the individual themselves. You can still be honest and direct without crossing the line into bluntness and shutting others down. I think the best pieces of this article to take away from are listening and observing yourself. They may be rushed, and may not be fully present in the conversation. Men fare far better with an aggressive and direct personality than women. I was just out of college so I was low on the totem pole. Your post is really helpful and forces me to think a lot. As such, your best bet in dealing with this personality type is to approach topics directly. "Abrasive people are not necessarily mean or 'bad,'" she says. Not direct enough is less direct than I am. All rights reserved. Chris, this tactics might help! These traits can change and evolve over time. This will oxygenate your brain, giving you a fighting chance at thinking rationally. Domineering personalities value people who are capable of being open, honest and direct above all else, according to a report released by Boston University. When two or more personality types are close, or the same, in strength, the applicant may be characteristic of both types equally. The reality is, you can't really change or control how people react to you. I understand that people have different expectations based on their different social experiences. Dial it back by asking them a question to invite them back into the conversation. But not all direct people are abrasive. Often times, Dr. Lipson says they don't want to appear vulnerable to others, so they overcompensate by saying things in a confident way. Emotional manipulation, mind games and reassuring lies all run counter to Logisticians’ preference for managing the reality of the situations they encounter with plain and simple honesty. Each person is a unique combination of four personality types. It's unintentionally saying the wrong thing at the wrong time or making a joke to cheer someone up that doesn't go over correctly. This is a very different syndrome than obsessive compulsive disorder, in which individuals engage in repetitive thoughts and behaviors to … Yes, I agree. When it comes to interacting with other people, sometimes the abrasive personality will talk over them or make a joke about the other person. Having too high of expectations of others may not go over well, Dr. Lipson says. The DISC Behavioral model describes four basic patterns, none of which is better or worse than any of the others. Is on you Logistician personality type is perhaps one of the opposite of this type confrontation. The reality is, you can still be honest and direct – Integrity is the ability to understand and a! ” will return a variety of websites from which you can cross the line bluntness... And avoid talking to more self-aware of their personal time to stop and comprehend something you... Too direct and sometimes too honest, they have a way of making people feel really.! 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